This is Joe.

He’s what we believe to be an English Trumpeter pigeon. He’s been on our roof since 11:00 am this morning. He likes cookie crumbs and naps in his own poop. He tried to come inside, but he’s not allowed. He’s been a very gentlemanly Sunday guest and we hope he visits again soon.

He is also most likely a pregnant female.

…the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth.

Lo. Lee. Ta.

Yesterday at 6pm I left work.

Yesterday at 8pm I got home.

The trip is usually 15-20 minutes.

However, on this- January 4th, 2010- after about 30 minutes of being in the car, I had made it the length of one (1) Exit (I was on the Highway, for your records).

About 30 minutes later (one hour total if you’re counting), I had made it to the second Exit! Here, the city (or police, or whomever does things of this nature) had spelled out on their gigantic Lite Brite: ACCIDENT AT UNIVERSITY [sic], EXPECT DELAYS

Many of my fellow horrible drivers veered out of their lane and wildly screamed over to the Colorado Blvd exit (one ahead of University). Nah, thought I, I’ve committed to I25 and Colorado will be flooded with people who thought it was brilliant to cheat. I mean, one exit? Come on. Then, once I pass the mess, I will be rewarded with a beautiful open highway all to myself! Freedom!

Then I got to University and realized the police had laid flares all over the road and were now funneling every single motherfucking car in Denver onto ONE EXIT. OMG AWESOME!

There were many things about the situation that were miserable. But I will leave those details out.

Anyway, this morning I said to Ryan, “Oh yeah, I wanted to see what that mess on I25 was about.”

Says he, “Well someone obviously died if they closed the whole highway down.”

Says I, “Or, it was like a 20 car pile up and they had no choice.”

“True,” we agreed. It had to be one or the other. Right?

Well, let me ease your minds here. I just now was reminded of such event as I am about to leave work. Here’s what 9 News said:

HIGHWAY CLOSED FOR HOURS AFTER MAN RUNS THROUGH TRAFFIC

DENVER – Police are investigating an incident that shut down northbound Interstate 25 for several hours on Tuesday evening.

Denver Police say it happened near University Boulevard just after 5 p.m. It did not reopen until 8:45 p.m.

Investigators say a man going north on I-25 got out of his car and then ran into the southbound lanes, causing delays on both sides of the highway.

He had to be subdued by police and then was taken to an area hospital after he became unresponsive.

Southbound traffic fully reopened once the man was taken off that part of the highway, but the northbound side remained closed during the police investigation.

(Copyright KUSA*TV, All Rights Reserved)

Excuse me. But that is just absolutely ridiculous.